May 09, 2008

Friday Funny: No Parent Left Behind

Here's another of those humorous emails my friends and family insist on sending me:


Now, really, who should be going to school ? ? ?

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc's john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre dyrea direathe the shits.

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don't know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won't be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weeken d with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
 

links for 2008-05-09

May 08, 2008

The Getty's Goats

While driving the kid to school yesterday, I heard a radio report warning drivers on the 405 that they might spy a herd of goats in the Sepulveda Pass. The goats (or rather, their herder) have been contracted to graze on the hillside surrounding the Getty Center. I guess it's a convenient and eco-friendly way to clear the brush, as hillside property owners are required to do each year by the LA County Fire Department.

Now, one of the reasons I'm grateful to be a work-at-home, stay-at-home mother is that I no longer have to navigate the city's freeways during rush hour -- especially the loathsome 405, which never seems to be free of traffic any longer. However, I really wanted to see those goats... so at 11:00 yesterday morning (a time I calculated was sufficiently between all the different little traffic clusters), I turned off my computer, grabbed my camera and hit the road.

Alas, there was nary a goat to be seen (at least, none from the vantage point of the 405 or on Sepulveda, the route I took back to the Valley).  Perhaps they were on the other side of the hill. Or maybe I just needed to park the car and get on the shuttle that takes you up the hill to the museum complex. At any rate, the photographers at the Los Angeles Times have taken some nice shots here and here.

While checking up on the story, I discovered that the Getty has been getting goats for this task for a few years now, and I wondered if this was a service that made sense for SoCal homeowners. After all, annual brush clearance is kind of an onerous task -- and goats need to eat. It sounds like a win-win.

It turns out that the Fire Department is right on top of that thought, with a list of goat contractors on their web page here. I haven't a clue what it costs, or if it makes sense to an owner of a small lot, but it's worth checking out, don't you think?.

This has been a public service announcement from SoCal Mom...

links for 2008-05-08

May 07, 2008

No More "Spiders"

This was one of THOSE mornings.

You know, the ones where you have to nag and beg and cajole and threaten physical harm to get your child out of bed.

To be honest, we haven't had too many mornings like that lately. When Megan started middle school, I bought her a nice radio alarm clock with a docking station for her iPod. And as the only way she can manage her homework load along with her schedule is to do it early, she has usually been up for hours by the time I start fumbling in the kitchen for the coffee maker.

But Tuesdays are the only day of the week when she DOESN'T have gymnastics or Hebrew school in the afternoon and evening, so she managed to finish her homework before the start of "American Idol" last night.  And so she set her alarm for a relatively late 6:00 a.m...

...and stayed in bed. After about five minutes, when I didn't hear any movement out of her room, I went in to rouse her. "I meant to set it for 6:30," she moaned. "Please turn the light back off."

I complied.

At 6:30, I went back in to get her up. "Can I have five more minutes?" she pleaded.

At 6:40, I walked back in; saw that she was finally upright. I walked away.

When the clock displayed 7:00, I realized that I hadn't been hearing any noise in the bathroom. Sure enough, Megan had crawled right back into bed. We were running out of time.

I sat on the bed and gave her a nudge. "We have to leave for school in half an hour."

She groaned again.

Until recently, I would deal with this by "bringing out the big gun" -- The Tickle Spider.

You see, when she was little, we had this little game. I would walk my hand up her arm to her head, and tell her it was "The Good Spider." But often, it would turn out that the Good Spider was being impersonated by his evil twin, the Tickle Spider, who would then attack her in the belly and get her laughing.

My daughter and I are both EXTREMELY ticklish, and for me, being tickled is excruciating. But Megan's weird. She LIKES being tickled. And so I found the Tickle Spider to be a very useful tool to get her out of bed in the morning.

But no more. Megan is now 12, and doesn't feel like playing with "spiders" any longer.

I love the way she's maturing into a thoughtful, responsible, caring proto-adult. I am SO PROUD of her I could burst.

But I miss my baby girl.

And I've gotta find a new way to get her out of bed!

May 06, 2008

"Ten on Tuesday": Places to Travel

Each week, my friend Florinda publishes a kind of top 10 list. This week, her theme is "10 Places You'd Love to Travel To (That You Haven't Gone to Yet)." And I thought it would be fun to participate, as I spent much of yesterday's post lamenting the fact that I haven't done any travel blogging recently (and am not likely to, given the current economic climate).

So here are my Top 10 (in no particular order):

1. Havana, Cuba. I actually HAVE been here, but as I was an infant at the time, I don't think it counts. It is the city where my mother was born and lived until she was 17. My grandfather is buried there. I still have relatives living there, although I do not know them (and am not likely to have a lot in common with them, as the only ones who stayed were true believers in the revolution). But I have heard so much about the city and the country since I was very young, and should travel restrictions be lifted, I would very much like to go there.

2. Istanbul, Turkey. Another genealogical destination. The grandparents who settled in Havana were born in Constantinople. They were Sephardic Jews, descended from those who were forced to leave Spain during the Inquisition. They lived peacefully there for four centuries, until the end of the Ottoman Empire.

3. Edinburgh, Scotland. In all my many visits to the United Kingdom since I met my British husband, I've seen remarkably little outside his home town of Cardiff, Wales. I have a long, long, list of towns and regions I would like to visit, but based upon the hub's description, I think Edinburgh belongs at the top of that list. Besides, if we go to Scotland, we might be able to indulge in the Scottish version of one of our favorite past times and do a little whiskey tasting.

4. Bordeaux, France. Yes, that favorite past time is wine tasting. This is something we've been able to indulge quite a bit here in California, but I would love to take that show on the road somewhere else. I keep reading about all these cool bicycle tours of the wine regions in France, and the romantic in me thinks that might be fun. (The lazy ass in me would probably die if I tried it, but this whole exercise is a fantasy anyway, so I can imagine having the stamina to do this!) Another benefit of going wine tasting in France would be that I would get to visit a city I HAVE been to and am dying to see again: Paris.

5. Yosemite. I should be ashamed of myself for being a California native who has never been to one of our state's most wondrous spots. The problem is, I am NOT the outdoorsy, camping type. I want to go, but only if I get to stay at the Ahwahnee Lodge.

6. Rome, Italy. Do I have to explain this choice? The history. The architecture. And yes, the food and the wine.

7. New Zealand's Marlborough region. One of my friends is married to an assistant director who worked on both Narnia movies, and the family spent an entire summer here while the first one was being shot. Their photos are spectacular, and yes, this is another wine making region.

8. Santiago, Chile. Oh hell. I may as well turn this into a top ten list of vineyards! Chile is also known for terrific wine. Also, my husband used to work with a woman who was from Santiago, and the photos of the countryside nestled below the Andes were gorgeous.

9. Washington, D.C. I've been to London. I've been to Paris. I've never been to the capital of my own nation. 'Nuff said.

10. Tokyo, Japan. I'm one of those people who loved "Lost in Translation." I want to experience the otherness of Japan, too.

Actually, I can think of lots more places I want to visit! I shall just have to redouble my efforts to win the lottery so I can take that 12-month, round-the-world cruise I dream of.

links for 2008-05-06

May 05, 2008

What a Difference a Week Makes

I feel like I've been drowning in stress.

April was overwhelming. Sure, I had fun at the start of the month, going on that little corporate junket... but I had to hit the ground running when I got back and it never stopped!

It's all been complicated by the lousy economy and travel planning. My husband's geotechnical office has been greatly affected by the credit crunch. His usual clients (land developers) have put the brakes on just about everything. There are fewer projects out there and more competition for them, and he's been working his butt off chasing after what little there is.

The rising cost of living hurts, too. We have downsized plans to visit my husband's family in the UK this summer; he finally booked a solo flight to visit his mother without our daughter and me. This is killing me, because it has been several years since we've gone in the summer (when the weather has a chance of being nice, but airfare costs even more).

I watch a lot of BBC programming and seeing scenes of the country makes me want to go even more (especially of London and my husband's hometown of Cardiff, which is where both Doctor Who and Torchwood film). We try to use American Express points to pay for the flight, but our summer dates appear to be blacked out and airfare is up about $500 from where it was the last time we flew during the summer months. Add that to the higher cost of car rentals, fuel (currently about $8 per gallon), and the sinking dollar, and you're talking $10-15,000 for a family of three. It's just not prudent when the economy is so uncertain.

So much for travel blogging on this site.

At least, now that we've made that decision and booked his flight, I can start thinking ahead to BlogHer. I can also look into using some of those American Express points for that -- and perhaps some kind of family getaway in THIS country.

I've also been dividing my time by writing on several collaborative blogs. None of these are helping my bottom line (and I'm seriously considering getting a "real" job again to help pay bills) -- but I'm amazed by the power of being a part of a supportive team of wonderful women who write. I feel like I've made some new friendships that will stand the test of time. Also, it's a lot more fun than writing solo, and I feel like the challenge is forcing me to be better at it and work outside the little mommy blogging box I set up for myself here.

For instance, last week I found myself in a conference call with some of John McCain's advisors, learning about his proposal for solving our nation's healthcare crisis. That became the basis of a post I wrote for the MOMocrats.

It was an exciting week over there: we (I say "we," even though I really had nothing to do with this coup!) got an exclusive with Barack Obama, who answered some questions we wish he'd been asked during the last (dreadful) debate. (We posed the same questions to Hillary Clinton, but as of yet have not received a reply.) That, in turn, caused us a lot more excitement, as we got front page linked by the Huffington Post, Politico-com, and countless other sites and blogs. (The MOMocrats are some of those new friends I alluded to above; I am continually amazed by the energy, intelligence and humor of these women!)

More current events: At 50-Something Moms today, I weigh in on last week's brouhaha with Miley Cyrus.

I'm most excited today about this: I finally cleared out enough tasks to be able to fire up my reader and catch up on blogs -- for the first time in over a month.

Tomorrow, I may feel stressed again. But for right now, things are good.

Continue reading "What a Difference a Week Makes" »

April 28, 2008

Sushi and the Single Girl

Sushi Many of you already know that I've been spending a lot of time on Twitter, especially between the hours of 2:00 and 3:00, when I am usually parked across the street from my daughter's school. Texting my "Twitter Peeps" over the phone makes that time go by quickly... and you never know what you'll find out.

Like last week, when Busy Mom announced that she had never tasted sushi. NEVER. As in, "not ever."

I told her that I found this mind boggling. I had heard rumors that sushi was not so prevalent in other parts of the country, but out here, it's everywhere. All the supermarket chains devote deli space to the stuff (and most have chefs behind the counter, making it fresh all day). All the food court malls have a sushi option, and it's common here to see little kids bellied up to the sushi bar with their parents.

As it turns out, Busy Mom's turn-off isn't so much that the fish is raw, but that it's fish. She doesn't eat seafood, and I can relate to that, because I have suffered from allergies since childhood. Sometimes (as in the case of white fish like cod, sole and halibut) my reaction is somewhat mild: tingling and/or swelling of my tongue and lips. But there was one time I ate something and I thought I was going to die.

The occasion was a visit to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco. I didn't think it would do too much harm to sample one of the little shrimp cocktails they sell in the stalls there. Huge mistake. My heart began to race and I felt like I couldn't breathe, and it lasted for a good long time.

Epi pens? I'd never heard of them. They may not have been invented yet. This was over 30 years ago, and needless to say, I have not had a bite of shrimp since.

So when sushi first became popular in SoCal, I kept my distance. The closest I came was buying a refrigerator magnet that looked like a miniature plate of the stuff. It was pretty.

At the time, the only fish I was certain I could consume without problems was tuna, and I wasn't about to try it raw. However, as a single gal living alone in the early '80's, keeping out of sushi bars was starting to impact my social life. The kicker was the day I interviewed Bay Area rocker Greg Kihn (who was promoting his hit, "The Break-Up Song." Yes, that's how long ago this was).

I guess I should mention now that my first job out of college was really cool: I worked for a radio syndicator, where I wrote and (eventually) produced a weekly Top 30 countdown show. It didn't pay well, but I got perks in the form of free records, concerts, and the opportunity to chat with about half the people who made the Billboard Hot 100 between 1980 and 1983.

The problem was, even though I had a cool job, I wasn't anythng close to cool: I've always been the same geeky person you know today -- only worse, because I was young, naive, a total fan -- and self-aware enough to know it. As much as I tried to project the image of a young hipster, it didn't work.

I'm pretty sure some of the artists I interviewed tried to flirt with me, but I was too stupid to recognize it. Instead, I focused on trying to be "professional," and the next day, while transcribing my tape, I would wonder why the guy I was talking to had suddenly started telling me how his wife or girlfriend didn't understand him (as if I was a therapist).

I don't think that was the case with Greg Kihn, but I definitely think he had become bored with the interview, because about halfway through my questions, he cut the session short.

"My friends and I are going out for sushi. Do you want to come?"

"No thank you," I replied automatically. "I'm allergic to fish."

D'oh! The interview was over, I only had about half the material I needed for my show, and I'd missed an opportunity that might have been fun (or at least given me a better anecdote to relate to you now that I'm middle-aged and terminally uncool).

But it was a catalyst. At the time, I lived in an apartment in Studio City, just a short walk from Ventura Boulevard. Today, people think of that part of town as "Sushi Row," because that stretch of the Boulevard is home to at least one sushi joint per block. In 1981, there were about a half dozen places to choose from, and so one night, I went into one of them and sat myself down at the bar.

"I'm allergic to fish," I told the sushi chef. "What can I have?"

He thought for a minute and then got creative. He made me a hand roll out of rice, cucumber, pickled burdock and grilled chicken, and it was delicious. I also sampled his cucumber roll, futomaki and tamago (which is a kind of sweet egg omelet, traditionally ordered at the end of a sushi meal).

I decided I sitting at the sushi bar. For one thing, eating Lean Cuisine alone in my apartment had gotten old. I had taken to eating alone in restaurants a couple of nights a week, so I could take in the energy of being among people -- and dining solo at the sushi bar was a lot less awkward than getting a table for one.

I returned a few more times to the same restaurant before I felt comfortable enough to suggest going there together with some friends. That's when I learned that if you buy your sushi chef a drink, he will often reward you with a langniappe - a little something extra, at no charge. With the first drink, we got some edamame (boiled soybeans - yummy!) ... the second drink brought us some tsunemono (a salad of pickled vegetables, often with some seafood, which I picked out and gave to my friends)...

Of course, every time we bought the chef a drink, we'd ordered another round for ourselves. So by the time the waitress brought me my third hot sake, I was feeling pretty good (inhibitions? What inhibitions?). And so when the chef rewarded our third drink with a gift of baby squid, I said "what the hell?" And I ate them.

And a funny thing happened: nothing. I discovered that night that I'm not allergic to squid. I also sampled a friend's California roll and found out that I'm not allergic to crab. Over time, I learned that raw tuna (especially in spicy tuna rolls) tastes WAY better than Starkist, and that I like yellowtail and salmon, too. I am still, however, allergic to all kinds of white fish, and keep the hell away from shrimp and lobster. I'm certain I am avoiding foods that I could consume without harm, but the memory of that long ago shrimp cocktail keeps me from being too adventurous -- I mean, why take that risk?

By the time I met the man I eventually married, sushi (which is low in fat and high in protein) had become my favorite cuisine. So of course, I suggested it for our first date. I learned later that he only went along with it to impress me. Like Busy Mom, he wasn't that in to the seafood, and the thought of eating it raw disgusted him.

But eventually, he learned to like the stuff. Love it, actually. In the years before our daughter was born, we frequented Teru Sushi so often (as much as three times per week) that we used to get invited to their customer appreciation parties. Alas, it is amazing what a baby and a mortgage do to your disposable income. Sometimes I wonder if all the weight I gained in the ensuing years was due to cutting all that sushi out of my diet.

Today, Japanese food is about the only cuisine the entire family can agree upon, and that includes my daughter who (I wonder why this keeps coming up?) won't eat seafood (even though she has grown up going to sushi bars with us). So I was confident when I told Busy Mom that I would be happy to introduce her to sushi (and sushi-type food) when we meet at BlogHer his summer -- that's because several years ago, the concierge at the Westin St. Francis directed us to a nice, casual Japanese place that's Megan-friendly and within walking distance. I figure Busy Mom can have some cucumber roll, futomaki, and grilled dishes like chicken yaki-tori.

And if she drinks enough sake, who knows? She just might be ready for adventure.

April 27, 2008

links for 2008-04-27

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