My Dinners with Emmy

When you live on the West Coast, you are used to "live" events that are broadcast after being taped earlier - even when the event originated in your time zone.

They broadcast the Oscars truly live here (with a 6:30 p.m. start time) -- why are the Emmys taped delayed?

Many years ago, in another lifetime, I was privileged enough to be able to attend the Emmys as a staffer on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. I was not a nominee (there is no award category for writers' assistants; as hard as they work, there is no art to that job) - but the guys were nominated in the Outstanding Writing For A Variety, Music Or Comedy Program category, and somehow, I managed to tag along with them.

My first year on the show (1986!), we had an older writer (his resume went back to Caesar's Hour) whose wife was too ill to attend, so he asked me if I would be his guest. He gave me my own ticket and parking pass, and I met up with him and the rest of the writing staff there. I begged my hairdresser friend to come into work on a Sunday to do my hair, and makeup, and drove out to Pasadena (where the show was held) in my little 1984 Tempo. I had a friend who had been working on the telecast, and spent most of the Governor's Ball searching for him, and while I was craning my neck trying to find him, I walked smack dab into Tom Selleck (and may have gotten lipstick on the front of his shirt. Sorry about that, Tom).

Gary (the writer) found us a table to sit at with JoAnn Worley, who shrieked hello's to people exactly the way she did when she was one of the stars of Laugh-In. I did eventually find my friend; most of the big stars had moved on to the cool parties. Kyle and I gossiped about the show while we watched Dennis Weaver and his wife boogey-ing on the dance floor...

The following year I attended the Emmys in style, as the only single writer on the staff didn't have a date and asked me if I would join him. We were just friends, and I know I wasn't his first choice -- but he and his partner had decided it was de riguer to arrive in a limo, and so we did. However, I think even the limo companies have a pecking order, and the vehicle we traveled in had seen better days; it rattled badly and the upholstery was worn.

This time, I felt like an old hand at the Emmys. It was a hot day (typical for L.A. in September) and it felt ridiculous wearing evening clothes at 3:00 in the afternoon. I was more vested in the outcome that year, I guess because this time I was actually the "date" of one of the nominees. We were seated in the same section as the other nominees in that category: the writers from SNL, the Tracey Ullman Show, and the Tony Awards. (BTW - out of 55 writer nominees in that category, only five were women. "Women just aren't funny," is the explanation I would hear from the Tonight Show guys. Maybe we're not - or maybe we just don't find jokes about large breasts as hilarious as they all did.)

Once again, we did not win - that honor went to the staff of the Letterman show (which was the hot hip comedy program of the time).

The 1988 television season was gravely interrupted by a six-month WGA strike. The Tonight Show didn't even receive a nomination that year, despite the fact that we were one of the first programs back on the air, due to a separate settlement between Carson Productions and the Guild.

But we were back in 1989. After the strike ended, Mr. Carson had done some housecleaning on the writing staff, and four longtime writers were let go. However, the episode that was submitted for Emmy consideration had included their credits, too - and when the nominations were announced that summer, they included four men who were no longer on the staff.

The former head writer, my ex-boss, called me. He did not have the stomach to attend, and he asked me if I would like his tickets. I thanked him and invited Gareth (whom I had met that year) to accompany me.

A couple of weeks before the show, one of the younger writers - an alumnus of Harvard Law School - was frantic. He had friends from out of town who he wanted to impress - and he asked me if I would call Hal Goodman and Larry Klein to ask if they were using their Emmy tickets. Hal and Larry had been on Johnny's staff since the 1960's. I told this guy that if he wanted to call them, he was welcome to do so -- I felt tacky doing so.

A few days later, a different writer - the former head writer's partner - called me and offered me his tickets.

I could have given those tickets to the guy who asked me to call Hal and Larry. I thought about it, but the fact that he asked me to do his dirty work angered me. I had a very bad attitude as a production assistant, at least from the viewpoint of writers who wanted to feel more important because they had an assistant. I would do anything necessary to get the show on the air, but I balked at personal requests. There were TEN writers on the staff; if I agreed to do the personal crap for any of them, that is all I would end up doing. So when one of them called me on HIS DAY OFF to ask me to make him a reservation at Spago, I refused. And when this one asked me to call a fired writer to swipe his Emmy tickets, I also refused. And when another writer gave me his tickets out of the blue, I decided to put them to good use.

There were several other women who worked on the show as assistants - women who put long hours into making sure our show was a success and cared about it and NEVER got to share in the glory. Gareth was busy on Emmy night (another post for another time)... so I brought along three of my female colleagues.

You should have seen the reaction of the guys on the writing staff when four secretaries sat with them in the nominee section. Instead of being pleased that we wanted to cheer them on, they seemed to think that having us there took away from their glory. Most of them refused to talk to us. That was OK during the broadcast, but this year, the Governor's Ball was a sit-down dinner with assigned seating - and they were stuck sharing a table with us.

To make matters worse, we were seated at some kind of overflow table outside the main ballroom... and they had lost (again! -- this time to SNL). So they weren't in a good mood. This was the first year Fox broadcast the show, and the photographers were paying special attention to the stars of Fox programs. So when one of them came by our table to take a picture of the Tonight Show secretaries (one of us was a beautiful, leggy blonde and was obviously trying to score with her), the new head writer scoffed loudly "There's four people who deserve to have their picture taken."

It was never the same with them again. The guy who had wanted me to call Hal and Larry about their Emmy tickets simply stopped talking to me. I was working for the guy, would bring him his mail every day, and he would look right through me. This went on for nine months - until I finally became so unhappy at the atmosphere there that when I had an opportunity to move on, I took it...