One of the things I admire about Heather Armstrong (Dooce) is her ability to write about the grossest bodily functions... and it's OK, because her observations are hilarious.
Unfortunately, I am not as talented a writer as Dooce... but I'm going to get gross right now, anyway -- even though the result will certainly not be as entertaining.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
You see, I've spent the last couple of days canceling all of my engagements -- including several fantastic sounding events at the E3 Expo that opened today; events I've been looking forward to for several weeks. I've told everyone that I was feeling under the weather, and that's true. What I haven't told most people is that I'm not actually ill.
I'm just experiencing a really heavy period.
Yeah, I know how stupid that sounds. I haven't used "I'm having my period" as an excuse since I was a teenager. And on top of that, I am 54 years old, and after the UFE procedure I underwent six months ago, I was pretty sure I had been kicked into menopause.
Apparently, not.
Since Friday, I have used up an entire 40-count box of Super Plus tampons and am almost finished with another 20-count carton. I figure it's an average of one change per hour. For a couple of hours on Saturday night, I was changing every 20 minutes. And it was flowing so fast, it felt like I was peeing.
This is not a flow. It's a flood.
I have no idea how many maxi-pads I've soaked through (because a tampon isn't protection enough, you see). I just bought a package of monstrous sized overnight pads that are the biggest effing things I've ever seen -- almost like wearing a diaper. But it's kind of too late, because after the last four days, I don't have a pristine pair of underpants left.
So yeah. Having to go to the ladies room every hour or so is a nuisance, especially if you are at a crowded event at the Los Angeles Convention Center. But all of that blood loss seems to be affecting me physically. I've been experiencing some dizziness... and I feel really, really tired.
So, I'm staying home, I'm doing as little as possible, and thanking God that I'm dealing with all of this now instead of in two weeks, when we are in the UK.
And as soon as I'm feeling up to it, I'm buying new underwear.
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