I've found a new online addiction: The Sad, Sad Conversation - a series of confessional YouTube videos featuring familiar actors, comedians and even a rock star (Jane Wiedlin of the Go-Go's) -- all speaking very honestly about their fears and malaise as they hit middle age.
Here's a sample, from actor Michael Ian Black:
The group - which is growing (it currently also includes Joshua Malina, Steve Agee, Martha Plimpton, Sarah Thyre, Steven Weber, Phil LaMarr and Morgan Murphy is uploading these videos at a frenetic pace. There's close to 200 of these very short videos, most of them posted within the last two weeks.
Although all of these artists talk about the peculiar situation they find themselves in by growing older in a business obsessed by youth, I find it very relatable (and not only because I decided to quit that business when I reached my own unemployable zone in my late thirties). These are people who I would deem successful, yet they are grappling with many of the same issues that keep me up late at night: fears about money, their health, that their homes are falling apart, or that they are just mediocre talents (yes, that is something Wiedlin says about herself! Imagine that!)
It's comforting to know that I am not alone in obsessing about getting older -- an activity that intensifies whenever I find out that one of my friends is ill. This is news I receive with some frequency now.
They say that when you're young, you don't have a sense of your own mortality. If that's true, I guess I got old sooner than most people. For the first couple of decades after high school, I managed to keep in touch with a lot of my old friends.
Five of them died by the time I turned 40: one car accident, one cancer, one HIV and two were suicides.
Five years ago, my husband and I celebrated my 50th birthday with three other dear friends (and spouses) who were born the same year. A while back, one of those friends was suffering with what seemed like a debilitating bout of depression.
He had good reasons for it: They had recently moved in with his elderly mother-in-law, who is no longer capable of caring for herself -- and then, his wife was stricken with a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer (a disease that had killed his sister).
That's a series of events that would kick anyone into a state of depression.
Eighteen months later, after surgeries, chemo and radiation, his wife's health has been restored, and in a perfect world, you would think this couple would now be able to look ahead to a brighter future.
But the world is far from perfect. In fact, it kind of sucks.
My friend's depression turned out to be a symptom of something way worse: Early onset Alzheimer's. And it's progressing.
Maria Shriver -- who recently lost her dad to Alzheimer's -- warns that as the baby boomers age, we are about to be hit with a tsunami of cases, and there's not enough being done to prepare. There's not enough research and not enough resources -- especially for people who have been diagnosed at such an early age (my friend is only 55 -- the same age as I). Women stand to be disproportionately affected, both as caretakers and sufferers of the disease.
Leeza Gibbons knows this well. Her new book, "Take Your Oxygen First," documents her family's experience caring for her mother and offers advice for families who are caring for loved ones suffering from memory loss.
I was given a copy of this book to review -- but to be perfectly honest, the subject matter frightens me so much that I have barely cracked it open. I know I need to get over this (especially as it is something I may have to face myself some day). But right now... I just can't.
What I can do is give the book to my friends, who may benefit from the advice and information within.
Gibbons is also the co-founder of "Leeza's Place," a network of communities for Alzheimer's caregivers. Unfortunately for my friends, the local Leeza's Place is geared mostly to older users who are likely retired -- not women like my friend, who must work full time in addition to caring for both her mother and now her husband.
As for my friend, the Alzheimer's patient: We've been trying to spend more time with him (trying to squeeze in as much as we can while he's still himself). He's still the person we've known for decades (so long that we think of him as a member of our family). But he's quieter... his short term memory is shot... and he is easily confused.
We all celebrated Memorial Day together at my sister's up north, and followed that up with an overnight in San Francisco, where we explored the awesome foodie treasures of the Ferry Building and enjoyed tapas at Thirsty Bear Brewing Company. It was a weekend to remember.
Especially when I start despairing about my own problems, which are trivial in comparison.
At least, I've got my health.
(H/T to Jen Creer for telling me about the Sad, Sad Conversation. I received no compensation for writing about Alzheimer's Disease or Leeza Gibbons' books and endeavors to help those who are dealing with it.)
