Be It Ever So Messy, There's No Place Like Home: The "Adventures" of a 50-Something Southern California Mom - who used to be interesting... and her teenage daughter.
They don't allow you to take photos inside the DMV, so I have no illustration for this post. That's not a big deal, as everyone already knows what this place is about.
A few years ago, I laughed at Kevin Smith's TV series "Reaper," about a kid whose parents sold his soul to the devil. He had to report to a minion of Satan, who worked at the DMV. The joke, of course, was that this place was the portal to hell.
It's actually not that bad -- if you have an appointment. We made ours a couple of weeks ago, over the Internet. So the queue we waited in wasn't long. Also, there was stuff to look at on HDTV monitors placed strategically around the building. It's mostly PSAs about driving hazards, insurance requirements and the joy of buying personalized plates - but there are also ads for local businesses, as well as the number you can call to place your ad here. I suppose it's effective, captive audience and all.
Did you know that the DMV has a smartphone app? I guess I should forgive myself for being unaware, since there are few cool apps for my Blackberry. But if you have an iPhone or Android smartphone, you can use it to make appointments, check out wait times, and even take sample driving tests - which I think is pretty cool. And I learned about it while standing in that line today.
My 16-year-old daughter is taking her driving test. I'm kind of a nervous wreck. I have faith in her. But I think I'm projecting a little. I remember how afraid I was when I took my test. And I know she's feeling a little bit nervous, too, so I'm feeling that as well.
The procedures have changed since I was a teenager. The most obvious ones are the restrictions on young drivers now. But I was surprised to learn that they no longer require you to take the written test first. Apparently, it's now considered redundant to take it again so soon after passing it to get your permit.
Did I mention that Megan is in my car RIGHT NOW with the DMV guy who will decide if she's a good enough driver for the state of California? I'm glad I'm not in the car with her. I'm also sad. She is on her own - as she will be increasingly as she marches to adulthood.
UPDATE: She passed her exam. And after driving home, she announced that she would run to the store for me -- alone. She just returned.
"That was weird," she said. And then she retreated back to her room to tackle her homework.
I was still working IN THE ZONE when I received another email from the Ford Motor Company:
Ford Teen Driving Safety Campaign Joins Variety for Power of Youth Event
Ford is one of many automakers that sponsors a teen safety program. I dragged my daughter to one of their events a few years ago, and now that she's actually able to drive, I have been waiting for them to come back to Southern California so she can experience it behind the wheel. I signed up on their website and everything, and was a little bit miffed that I had not received an invitation to sign up for their event on Saturday.
So I did what any other mother with a contact would do: I sent off a wheedling email, asking if there was any way we could attend this event that was closed to the public. And my contact there was good as gold: she got us in.
But I really should have read the initial email with the press release.
And I should have realized that something was up when we pulled into the driveway at Paramount Studios and the guard asked, "Are you guests -- or talent?"
That was my first clue that this Ford Teen Safety event was not what I expected.
The second clue was when we arrived on the scene to check in and discovered a scene that looked like this:
There was a banner welcoming us to Variety's Power of Youth event. It turns out that this is an annual party the venerable Hollywood trade publication throws to honor the entertainment industry's youngest philanthropists and showcase their favorite charities.
I really should have read the rest of that press release.
We were near the entrance of one of the lot's fake standing city streets. I was supposed to look up another Ford contact at their tent, and could see it -- but first, we needed to get through a registration line, which consisted of about a dozen really beautiful youngsters -- all dressed to the nines -- and their parents.
In front of us was a gorgeous, skinny girl -- who appeared to be about 12 -- wearing about a pound of makeup and high heels that were killing me just to look at them. In front of her was a gorgeous African-American woman (who I guessed was a few years older), also wearing dangerously tall shoes. A young woman who looked a lot like the oldest daughter on Modern Family squealed an excited greeting. They hugged.
I glanced at my daughter, who was wearing cut-off shorts, a t-shirt, sneakers and no make-up.
Did I mention that it was about a hundred degrees on Saturday? I was feeling really sorry for all those young girls in full makeup and heels.
"This is not what I expected," my daughter said.
Me neither. "You know, there's a really good chance they won't let us in," I told her. "If not, we'll just do something else," I said.
An event worker went through the line distributing Cartoon Network-branded sunglasses. Cartoon Network was one of the sponsors of the event, as was Ford. Workers offered bottles of chilled water to those of us in line. We took some.
My contact at Ford was good as gold. We were on the list, even though we had no right to be there. We were given our badges and wristbands and made a beeline to the Ford tent.
The Jonas Brothers were there, being interviewed along with a kid in a wheelchair. I took a photo as surreptitiously as I could -- and captured a shot of the Jonas whose name no one can remember.
There was a lot going on with the teen celebrities and the Jonas Brothers and the like, so the Ford safe driving team were very welcoming, even eager to be interviewed and take us for a safety demonstration. It turned out that Saturday's presentation was on the dangers of texting and driving -- something I would have known if I had read that press release. This is why my kid is genuinely surprised in this video, when the instructor orders her to take out her phone and start texting.
Once I shot that footage, my job was done. We were free to wander around and enjoy the party, but neither one of us could shake off the feeling that we had crashed an event where we didn't belong.
We stuck around long enough to take a few more photos.
There was an Allstate booth where everyone was invited to pledge not to text and drive, so we stopped there. And when I grabbed Friday's copy of Variety, which touted the event -- and revealed that one of the honorees was indeed, Sarah Hyland, the actresss who plays Haley on Modern Family. We stopped at the Ford booth one more time so I could get one more interview... and then, we made our way back to our own car to drive home. We had to walk down some steps to get there, and I'm really clumsy and have a bad habit of falling down stairs (even wearing flat shoes), so I always do this really, really slowly -- so I totally blocked another young event attendee, who wanted to go up.
"DO YOU KNOW WHO THAT WAS?" my daughter whispered.
It was Mark Urie, a favorite of hers when he starred in Ugly Betty. He has a new CBS-TV show, Partners.
"Well, that was your first Hollywood party," I told her. "I bet some of the photos will be in People magazine. Not of us, of course."
She was fine with that. And so am I.
But next time: I really have to read those press releases.
It's weird to be three weeks into the school year before the Labor Day holiday.
Circadian rhythms change in the teen years, which is why my former early riser now wants to sleep until noon and is wide awake at midnight. The smart thing would be to start high school classes around 10:00 a.m. and end at 5:00 p.m. I realize this isn't practical for their parents, who have to be at work early -- but it would definitely be better for my kid.
And this year, she has a 0 period. So instead of the 7:50 a.m. start we're accustomed to, I need to get her to the school by 6:50... which means we leave the house at 6:20... which means she has to be out of bed by 5:30...
...and so do I.
I don't know who hates the 0 period more; she or I.
Today was the start of a four-day weekend, and we took advantage of it in the best possible way... by sleeping in.
We got our daughter back from CSSSA Friday, after a month of living on the CalArts campus. She got a taste of college life, was inspired by the creative writing program and made a lot of new friends from all over the state (and a few who live in other parts of the country).
All in all, I think she had the best summer of her young life, and if you have a high school student interested in pursuing any of the arts - graphic art, writing, theater, film, music, dance or animation - you should check this out. It's one of the last state art programs still in existence, and given California's budget situation, it's a little surprising that we still have it. I do believe it is heavily subsidized by Hollywood, which may utilitze it to scout and develop young talent (another reason you may want your artistic teen to give it a whirl).
Upon her arrival home, our daughter promptly announced she had not finished all of her summer assignments for actual school -- which started today. So she's been back for four days, but I've not seen much of her because she was holed up in her room working!
So we've had barely any time to talk, and we did ZERO back to school shopping this year. We'll be making a stop at OfficeMax after school today to pick up supplies. I have a feeling that's the way we'll be approaching her clothing needs, too -- little by little, a day at a time, on our way back home.
I guess by the time they're high school Juniors, back to school is not the big deal it was when they were little. And that's OK.
By the end of last week, I decided - broken bones be damned - to make the trip to Detroit for Ford's annual trend conference. After all, some of my favorite people were going to be there, and since money has been extra tight this year, it might be my only opportunity to see friends I usually catch at blogging conferences.
Everything was set: I had my flight arrangement. Husband was to take me to LAX this morning. The teenager has spent most of the summer sleeping past noon, and the rest of the time in her room, reading and Facebooking - so she would barely notice me gone for three days. This was going to happen.
And then - over the weekend - she informed me that she had to go to tennis tryouts this week: Monday through Thursday, from 9:00 a.m. to noon.
She goes to a magnet school, which means that the students come from all over the city. There is just one other girl on the team who lives sort of near us, and she is on vacation this week. There will be another week of tryouts next month, but it will be occurring when Megan is attending the California State Summer School of the Arts and residing on the CalArts campus.
And so once again - as I've done so many times before - I had to put her needs above my wants. I let Ford know I would not be attending, after all. I also had to apologize to my editor at AskPatty, which hurt, because this is not the first time I have had to cancel an assignment that involved travel - at the very last minute - because my family needed me.
To add insult to injury (no pun intended), my broken toe has rendered me unable to drive. So Megan (who won't be eligible to get her license until July 4) has to drive herself to school for the tryouts - with me beside her. So I am spending these mornings in my car, in the school parking lot in Reseda...
...which is where I am right now.
As school is out, it's strangely peaceful here. The only sounds I hear are the birds chirping and occasional random cars driving by.
I have not had this much undistracted quiet time since the kid quit gymnastics. And once she gets that license, I may not have it again, as she will no longer need me for the one thing I do for her now.
Yesterday, I realized that I've been at this job (as Megan's mom) for longer than anything else I've ever done: longer than my time as a writer and producer of radio shows, longer than the years I spent as a PA on the Tonight Show, longer than any of my secretarial gigs, or the years I spent managing conferences for the country's largest state trade association. It is a job I have loved, and I think I've been good at it (although my daughter is the type of kid who has made it easy to succeed).
And now, this job is ending. Not in the sense that I won't be a presence in my daughter's life - but I'll be tangential to it, at best.
I now understand why people have that last-minute baby 10 or 15 years later. If I had not become a mother so late in life, I'm pretty sure I would have had another one when I got the first glimpse of the adult my daughter will soon become. I never planned on being a full-time, stay-at-home mother. I also never planned on what I would do when the best job I ever had came to an end.
That piece made me so angry that I almost didn't read the second, more thoughtful one: the cover story by Anne-Marie Slaughter with the conclusion that work-life balance in this country is impossible until we make our workplaces more family friendly - including aligning work hours with school hours. This is something I've been saying for years; I just haven't articulated it as well as she.
Even before the publication of these pieces, my quest to re-enter the job market has had me re-thinking my life choices. Should I have tried harder to find a way to hold on to my old job when I realized I couldn't do it well AND be a good mother? Would I have tried to re-enter sooner, had I known the economy would tank just as she was starting high school?
Would I have had any of the wonderful experiences I've enjoyed over the last nine years of writing this blog?
I don't like to waste a lot of time playing woulda-coulda-shoulda. (only a little.) I prefer to keep moving forward.
Staying home this week, I've been privileged to spend some real quality time with my "little" girl while she's behind the wheel on our way to and from the school. We've gone out to lunch together, done some grocery shopping and are planning to get much-needed haircuts and finish her summer wardrobe before she leaves for CalArts in July.
It reminds me of how it used to be, before she got so big and teenager-y, when if she wanted to do anything, I had to take her. And we would spend hours in the car, talking. This week has been a little like that - only she's the one doing the driving. It's been something of a gift.
This week, I got another gift in the form of a job opportunity. It's just a contract thing, for just a few weeks. But it's a solid offer from a good company and directly related to the work I did before I became Megan's mom. It's a start.
And I could not have accepted it if I hadn't been stuck at home instead of on a plane to Detroit. Which brought to my mind the old saying:
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