Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

After 9-11: A Different World

I've seen a lot of chatter in my online moms groups around this date, all asking the same question: How do you talk to your kids about 9/11?

I have no advice to offer anyone on that topic. My daughter started kindergarten right after Labor Day in 2001. We were both getting used to her new routine that awful Tuesday morning. The alarm went off -- as it still does -- at 5:00 a.m. with the calm voices of NPR's Morning Edition reading the news of the day. My husband likes to get in to work early, so he was going about his routine, while I listened, half-asleep.

And then came the news that jolted me awake. The first plane had hit the first tower, and it was being reported almost as an accident. No one yet knew what was to come, and even if the news readers were thinking "terrorism," it was too early to utter the word.

And then the second plane hit and the world changed.

I was fully awake now. My husband's morning routine was stopped in its tracks. We turned on the television in the room and watched, and forgot about time passing and that I needed to get my daughter ready for school... until she got up on her own and wandered in to our room to see what we were watching. 

I am a news junkie. It isn't so much because I love the news, as I feel it is important to know what is going on in our world. I grew up reading the newspaper every day, and used to be annoyed with people who did not make the effort to be informed. I wanted to instill those habits in my child. 

So right or wrong, I did not turn off the television. I allowed her to see and hear the news as it unfolded. As we got ready for school, I learned that the Pentagon was also under attack... and then Flight 93's crash in rural Pennsylvania. 

At that time, no one knew if the terrorist attack was over. And in the middle of my anguish for those poor people who went to work that sunny day with no idea of what was to come, I wondered: Would there be more planes crashing into more buildings? Were more cities being targeted? Would Los Angeles be next? 

I was in second grade in 1963 when President Kennedy was assassinated. My mother immediately took me out of school. I finally understood why on the morning of 9/11. All I wanted to do was crawl back into bed and hold her until the nightmare was over -- because this could not really be happening.

But the world had irrevocably changed that morning, and there was no escape. The only way I know how to cope with tragedy is to focus on activities I think of as "normal." I drove her to school, with NPR on the radio (because that was what I always listened to in the morning). Was that a mistake? Maybe. She was going to learn what happened that day eventually. I saw no reason to try to hide it. 

And I needed to know what was happening. I needed to feel connected. I was connected. An attack on any American citizen on American soil is an attack on all of us.

On our way to school, we learned that the second tower had collapsed and my daughter saw me cry.

I walked her to her classroom in a state of shock and hugged her tightly before saying goodbye. The other kindergarten moms were doing the same. And then, after we left our children with their teacher, we hugged each other, even though we were still strangers.

My daughter does not remember a lot about her early childhood, but she remembers the day the planes crashed into the buildings. She has no memory of the world before; the one where we had confidence and hope and the sure knowledge that the future was bright. 

And I'm so sorry.

Terror Alert Raised to Red; New Airline Carryon Restrictions

My radio alarm clock is set for 5:00 a.m., and I awake each day listening to NPR's Morning Edition. This usually grounds me -- and helps make up for those days when I do not have time to read the newspaper.

Today, I got more news than I wanted. Instead of the soothing voices of Renee Montagne and Steve Inskeep, what I heard was a Michael Chertoff press conference with the news that the British government had foiled yet another terrorist plot involving air travel.

Twenty-one suspected members of a home-grown cell in the UK have been arrested. Their insidious plan was to simultaneously blow up nine different airplanes (from four carriers) traveling from London to the United States, and they were going to do it by bringing on board benign liquid material that, when mixed together, creates a powerful bomb. The investigation continues.

Reaction around the world was immediate, with flight delays and cancellations all around Europe. Within Britain, short-haul flights to Heathrow Airport were suspended for a while, but have resumed. U.S. Homeland Security raised the terror level for international flights to Red, and imposed new restrictions on carry-on items: No liquids, gels or toothpaste-type products will be allowed in the passenger cabin (the exception is baby formula and precription medication).

U.K. authorities have gone one better: First reports indicated that they were allowing NO carry-ons AT ALL, with the exception of a passenger's passport and wallet, and those items must be contained in a clear plastic bag.

In actuality, there are a few exceptions (according to passenger information posted on Virgin-Atlantic's website):

Passengers may take through the airport security search point, in a single (ideally transparent) plastic carrier bag, only the following items. Nothing may be carried in pockets:

• pocket size wallets and pocket size purses plus contents (for example money, credit cards, identity cards etc (not handbags));
• travel documents essential for the journey (for example passports and travel tickets);
• prescription medicines and medical items sufficient and essential for the flight (eg, diabetic kit), except in liquid form unless verified as authentic.
• spectacles and sunglasses, without cases.
• contact lens holders, without bottles of solution.
• for those travelling with an infant: baby food, milk (the contents of each bottle must be tasted by the accompanying passenger) and sanitary items sufficient and essential for the flight (nappies, wipes, creams and nappy disposal bags).
• female sanitary items sufficient and essential for the flight, if unboxed (eg tampons, pads, towels and wipes).
• tissues (unboxed) and/or handkerchiefs
• keys (but no electrical key fobs)

In addition to this please note:

• All passengers must be hand searched, and their footwear and all the items they are carrying must be x-ray screened.
• Pushchairs (American translation: strollers) and walking aids must be x-ray screened, and only airport-provided wheelchairs may pass through the screening point.

The good news: Virgin is easing their limits on checked baggage to accommodate all those passengers who will no longer be able to carry their hand luggage. The bad news: That means that laptop computer you usually guard with your life. I'm unsure what precautions will be taken to ensure that computers won't be damaged or lost while they are out of sight of their owners. You won't be able to carry your cellphone or any cameras, either.

What does this mean to you? Obviously, if you are already on vacation in the U.K. and were planning on flying back today, you may not get here on time. With the new security measures, travelers everywhere can expect even longer delays at the airport. If you were planning a trip and are feeling a bit apprehensive now, you should check with your airline; you may be able to cancel or rebook without penalty.

Appallingly, at 10:00 a.m. Pacific time (five hours after Chertoff's press conference and at least nine hours since the suspects' arrests), there is very little information about this on two of the affected airlines (American Airlines and British Airways have links to the new security restrictions on their home page. I could not find anything on the Continental and United sites, although the latter did include information on changing or canceling a flight that's already been booked.)

If you must travel -- and you're taking your kids -- the new restrictions will create some new challenges for you beyond the delays at the airport. You will no longer be able to bring activity bags for your children - no crayons, no coloring books, no snacks (other than some juice for your toddlers)no comfort items (my daughter doesn't get on the plane without a favorite teddy or doll and her "comfiest pillow").

There is no telling how long these new restrictions will remain in effect. The infamous shoe-bombing incident was nearly five years ago, and it's become second-nature for most of us to make sure there are no holes in our socks on travel day, as we are still removing our shoes for inspection at airport checkpoints.

After digesting the details of the new security guidelines, my first thought was to head to Costco and buy a case of Ziploc bags. If the airlines do not make their eased luggage limitations permanent, from now on I will need to consolidate all of our packing into fewer bags -- and wrapping each cosmetic item (at my age, I travel with a lot of them) in plastic will keep any wayward goo from getting on our clothes. I may even start leaving a good portion of the stuff at home -- I can always purchase travel size packages of toothpaste, shampoo and hair gunk when I get to my destination (even though that will end up costing more).

We have family in Britain and no terrorist threat is going to keep us from visiting them this Christmas. We've been through these scares many times since 9/11 -- we were on a U.K. visit when Richard Reid attempting to light his shoe, and we were also there during a heightened alert when flights were restricted at both London and Paris. I won't forget the time we were seemingly stranded at Heathrow as our flight back to Los Angeles was delayed for a couple hours -- without any kind of satisfactory explanation. It is unnerving, it's frightening -- but there is a calculated risk to everything we do.

This does not mean I want to tell my daughter about the current terror alert. She was apprehensive about our recent visit to New York, because she was afraid that someone would hijack our plane and fly it into a building. As a kindergartener five years ago, she happened into our bedroom on the morning of 9/11 while we were watching television in shock at the events as they occurred. While I wasn't happy that she saw those images on the TV, this is the world we've brought her into, for better or worse. It's a fine line to walk as a parent: I don't want her to live in fear -- but I don't want her to grow up in ignorance, either. Still, she doesn't need to know about this particular close call, and she doesn't need to worry about the plane blowing up while she's on it. That's something I can do, in silence.