Socal Mom by Donna Schwartz Mills

BlogPress #FAIL

Ever since obtaining my iPad, I've been looking for an easy way to use it to post to my blogs.

A couple of months ago, I discovered a paid app called BlogPress, which looked like it would do the trick. I fired it up to see how it functioned, started a post and saved it to finish later.

But the next day, Apple released another upgrade to the operating system, and from that point on, BlogPress crashed whenever I tried to use it.

A couple of days ago, I downloaded an update to the app, which promised to fix the crashing. And yesterday, I finally managed to write a post with it.

I decided to repeat that feat this morning, and spent TWO HOURS working on an impassioned post about topics ranging from friendship, getting older (yes, I know I'm becoming obsessed with this - just wait until you're my age) and tonight's airing of the 20th anniversary episode of Absolutely Fabulous.

But I was unable to publish the post. The error message I received after three tries was that the app could not upload the photo I had included in it. So I deleted the photo (which was at the top of the post) and hit Publish again. And the post published instantly.

The only problem was that the post that published was an unfinished draft that I had saved before I'd added the photo. The title was even different from the one I eventually used. And even though I'd saved the draft several times during the writing process, I cannot find any of the subsequent versions of the post.

I realize that this is just part of the learning curve inherent any time I try something new, but I'm angry and frustrated nonetheless. It's nearly 11:00 now and I need to get on with my day; I don't have the time to try to recreate the material that got lost.

But I am still looking forward to watching Absolutely Fabulous tonight. And will likely spill my guts on the other stuff again some other time.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Attention Mom Bloggers: Now THAT'S What I Call Camping!

I've known fellow MomsLA contributor Jen Miner for a few years now, since she was tweeting as "MudSlide Mama" (you'll find her now on Twitter as @JenniferMiner and @TheVacationGals). 

Jen is organizing a conference that sounds fabulous: Mom Blogger Camp will be held January 5-8 at the Velas Vallarta Resort in Puerto Vallarta.

"The Mom Blogger Camp is going to be totally relaxed and fun, and really affordable," Jen says.  "The $150/night double occupancy cost of the resort stay includes attending the Mom Blogger Camp, along with all meals" (as the Velas Vallarta is an all-inclusive resort).

Speakers include a legal expert, technology maven and wonderful Jenny "The Bloggess" Lawson, who is worth the trip south of the border.

Best of all, this blog camp sounds like it will be intimate and accessible -- with time built in for important stuff like lounging around the pool. 

Jen is hoping for a diverse group of bloggers ("because there's always more to learn, right?")

It sounds pretty heavenly to me.

DISCLOSURE: I have no affiliation with The Vacation Gals or the Mom Bloggers Camp and am not budgeted to attend myself, but consider Jen Miner a friend. I hope this event is so wildly successful that she holds it again when I've got more money to spend.

Walk Down Memory Lane

Since my return from BlogHer, I've been putting feelers out to find a job -- something that comes with a regular paycheck I can count upon, instead of this independent contractor, a lot of work for little pay thing I've been doing for the last several years.

Today, I was asked to supply a link to the best thing I've ever written.

Aside from the fact that I tend to be really critical of my own writing, this isn't an easy task. After all, I've been writing all kinds of material my entire life (and this blog dates back to 2003).

But one post did come to mind, and ironically, it's one I didn't publish here. It was one of the first posts I contributed at the first group blog I joined, the late DotMoms. I was surprised (and pleased) to find it still up there, and I ended up spending some time scrolling through all of my contributions.

This is the post I consider my best.

 

The Mom Blogging Community Shows Its Tender Side

This blog is very dear to me.

What started out as an experiment in journaling ended up connecting me to an expanding world of intelligent, engaged, fascinating people. Most of them are mothers like myself -- but not all are moms (or women, for that matter). 

This is a message I feel I need to repeat often, and not just because of the reputation the mom blogging community has earned over the years. As I've found myself torn between satisfying for-pay freelance obligations and producing content for MOMocrats, I've had less and less time to devote to my personal blog...

...to the point where I don't have much brain power left to write the kind of thoughtful posts I aim to publish here.

In fact, there are some weeks where all I do at SoCal Mom is satisfy commercial obligations -- which is not all that satisfying to me (nor, I suspect, to you).

Mentioning this prefaces the warning that I have a couple of these kind of pieces lined up (some of which have been sitting unfinished in my posting queue for a good six weeks). 

I know I should just say no, but sometimes a pitch tickles me so much that I want to see if there's any truth to it. At the time, I think it can lead into something fun to write (and read).  And sometimes, it actually does.

But I fear that hasn't been the case lately.

I feel that I must be an addict, because even with 90% of the pitches ending up in my trash folder, I still have more review posts than I'm able to handle.

I tell you this as a warning for what's to come the rest of the week. But I don't feel like talking about that today. Today, I want to talk about what's good and generous and creative about the community I'm so proud to be part of.

Last week, while I was writing my breathy little recaps of the swaggy bonanza known as BlogHer, a writer in one of my circles suffered a horrible tragedy: Jennifer Perillo, who writes the food blog In Jennie's Kitchen, suddenly lost her husband of 16 years. 

I'm connected to Jennie through the Yahoo! Motherboard. The response to this news from the 100+ writers in that group was immediate. Everyone wanted to know what they could do for Jennifer and her family. And last Wednesday, she responded with an idea for a tribute to her beloved husband.

Mikey's favorite dessert was peanut butter pie. Jennie had been meaning to bake one for him. She decided that she would go ahead and do so on Friday. She also published the recipe and asked her friends in the blogging community to bake it in his honor that day.

And so they did. A Google search last night on the terms "pie for Mikey" turned up pages and pages of results, even showing up on both the Food Network and food blog at CNN. 

My husband and I have been vegan for nearly two months -- and on top of that, no one in our family likes peanut butter. So as nice as the gesture would have been, it would have been a waste to make the pie. But that has freed me up to read the posts of my colleagues and friends -- which is hard to do without crying.

From Ilina, at Mommy Niri Cares:

"I have spent many nights with Jennifer, listening to the twinkly lilt of her voice when she spoke of Mikey, as she affectionately called him... To Jennifer, food is love. She feeds her soul by cooking and nourishes those she loves with meals and treats that range from decadent to simply divine."

From Glennia, at The Silent I:

"This news sent me reeling back to a few months ago, when my own husband, Frank, faced open heart surgery.  He is nearly fully recovered now, all the better for having been to hell and back to repair a genetic heart defect...I now realize what a luxury it was to be braced for the idea that Frank might not make it. Jennifer didn't have the opportunity to steel herself against the possibility that Mikey might not be there for Sunday dinner, or to enjoy his favorite pie with them one more time. Both Frank and Mikey are a reminder of how fragile our hearts are, and though they can mend, sometimes they break beyond repair."

From Akemi, at Chalk and Cheese Chronicles:

"If only there were a bake shop where we could share a favorite dessert with the ghosts of the people we once loved. Jennie's Bake Shop lives on, in creamy peanut butter pies being served up to loved ones across the country. What a gift she has given to us all."

From Robyn at Who's The Boss:

"Jennifer  could be me.  Or you.  Maybe she is you.  Maybe she's joined your club losing someone who was too young to leave the world.  Or maybe, she's what you fear most: losing the people who are closest to you and not believing that you'd be able to breathe let alone move on with your life."

From Yvonne in LA:

"There are so many things I take for granted. But the most obvious lately is my smart, kind, adorable husband...I want him to know that I really do appreciate everything he does for us. That I miss him when we’re not together and that when we are, I love his company. I want him to know that I love him more every day."

We all understand how one life touches so many others. The Internet magnifies that a thousandfold. 

The Sad, Sad Conversation: In Sickness And in Health

I've found a new online addiction: The Sad, Sad Conversation - a series of  confessional YouTube videos featuring familiar actors, comedians and even a rock star (Jane Wiedlin of the Go-Go's) -- all speaking very honestly about their fears and malaise as they hit middle age.

Here's a sample, from actor Michael Ian Black:

The group - which is growing (it currently also includes Joshua Malina, Steve Agee, Martha Plimpton, Sarah Thyre, Steven Weber, Phil LaMarr and Morgan Murphy  is uploading these videos at a frenetic pace. There's close to 200 of these very short videos, most of them posted within the last two weeks.

Although all of these artists talk about the peculiar situation they find themselves in by growing older in a business obsessed by youth, I find it very relatable (and not only because I decided to quit that business when I reached my own unemployable zone in my late thirties). These are people who I would deem successful, yet they are grappling with many of the same issues that keep me up late at night: fears about money, their health, that their homes are falling apart, or that they are just mediocre talents (yes, that is something Wiedlin says about herself! Imagine that!)

It's comforting to know that I am not alone in obsessing about getting older -- an activity that intensifies whenever I find out that one of my friends is ill. This is news I receive with some frequency now.

They say that when you're young, you don't have a sense of your own mortality. If that's true, I guess I got old sooner than most people. For the first couple of decades after high school, I managed to keep in touch with a lot of my old friends.

Five of them died by the time I turned 40: one car accident, one cancer, one HIV and two were suicides.

Five years ago, my husband and I celebrated my 50th birthday with three other dear friends (and spouses) who were born the same year. A while back, one of those friends was suffering with what seemed like a debilitating bout of depression.

He had good reasons for it:  They had recently moved in with his elderly mother-in-law, who is no longer capable of caring for herself -- and then, his wife was stricken with a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer (a disease that had killed his sister).

That's a series of events that would kick anyone into a state of depression.

Eighteen months later, after surgeries, chemo and radiation, his wife's health has been restored, and in a perfect world, you would think this couple would now be able to look ahead to a brighter future.

But the world is far from perfect. In fact, it kind of sucks.

My friend's depression turned out to be a symptom of something way worse: Early onset Alzheimer's. And it's progressing.

Maria Shriver -- who recently lost her dad to Alzheimer's -- warns that as the baby boomers age, we are about to be hit with a tsunami of cases, and there's not enough being done to prepare. There's not enough research and not enough resources -- especially for people who have been diagnosed at such an early age (my friend is only 55 -- the same age as I). Women stand to be disproportionately affected, both as caretakers and sufferers of the disease.

Leeza Gibbons knows this well. Her new book, "Take Your Oxygen First," documents her family's experience caring for her mother and offers advice for families who are caring for loved ones suffering from memory loss.

I was given a copy of this book to review -- but to be perfectly honest, the subject matter frightens me so much that I have barely cracked it open. I know I need to get over this (especially as it is something I may have to face myself some day). But right now... I just can't.

What I can do is give the book to my friends, who may benefit from the advice and information within. 

Gibbons is also the co-founder of "Leeza's Place," a network of communities for Alzheimer's caregivers. Unfortunately for my friends, the local Leeza's Place is geared mostly to older users who are likely retired -- not women like my friend, who must work full time in addition to caring for both her mother and now her husband. 

As for my friend, the Alzheimer's patient: We've been trying to spend more time with him (trying to squeeze in as much as we can while he's still himself). He's still the person we've known for decades (so long that we think of him as a member of our family). But he's quieter... his short term memory is shot... and he is easily confused.

We all celebrated Memorial Day together at my sister's up north, and followed that up with an overnight in San Francisco, where we explored the awesome foodie treasures of the Ferry Building and enjoyed tapas at Thirsty Bear Brewing Company. It was a weekend to remember.

Especially when I start despairing about my own problems, which are trivial in comparison.

At least, I've got my health.

(H/T to Jen Creer for telling me about the Sad, Sad Conversation. I received no compensation for writing about Alzheimer's Disease or Leeza Gibbons' books and endeavors to help those who are dealing with it.)